WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
