apparently the secret to your success is patron
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
bring money and cleavage
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
