your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
