I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
