I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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