Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
