Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
