you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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