If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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