i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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