Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
