Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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