sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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