people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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