Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
