i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
