i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
