Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
