My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize