so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
