He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
