I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
