god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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