Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
