I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
