no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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