Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
