i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
