The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
