Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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