Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?

(301): View more from Maryland

Nowhere

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(616): View more from Michigan

And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

(785): View more from Kansas

I could make treat bags

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.

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(519): View more from Ontario

he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him

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(443): View more from Maryland

if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale

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(210): View more from Texas

I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet

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