6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.