Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.

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(734): Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard. http://tfl.nu/9e9a

Replies (4) Good night (823) Bad night (923)
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(217): View more from Illinois

What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.

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(217): What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light. http://tfl.nu/5lx0

Replies (34) Good night (2082) Bad night (656)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

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(203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd

Replies (4) Good night (812) Bad night (3675)
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(503): View more from Oregon

after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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(503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni

Replies (15) Good night (5197) Bad night (666)
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(712): View more from Iowa

My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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(712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39

Replies (34) Good night (6747) Bad night (1283)
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(714): View more from California

So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

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(714): So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life. http://tfl.nu/wgtn

Replies (32) Good night (1079) Bad night (5676)
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(443): View more from Maryland

told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...

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(443): told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet... http://tfl.nu/9yno

Replies (6) Good night (2875) Bad night (1146)
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(813): View more from Florida

It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"

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(813): It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman" http://tfl.nu/5ocz

Replies (9) Good night (1790) Bad night (836)
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(813): View more from Florida

$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.

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(813): $150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins. http://tfl.nu/s65x

Replies (33) Good night (2874) Bad night (994)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.

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(404): I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks. http://tfl.nu/r45q

Replies (20) Good night (3644) Bad night (835)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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(+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh

Replies (10) Good night (605) Bad night (864)
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(518): View more from New York

Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.

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(518): Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered. http://tfl.nu/cv8i

Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (682)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.

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(780): I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face. http://tfl.nu/4tu2

Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (370)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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(610): I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention http://tfl.nu/bnw5

Replies (4) Good night (606) Bad night (303)
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(289): View more from Ontario

my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.

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(289): my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/ahcl

Replies (1) Good night (218) Bad night (643)

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