I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.