Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

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  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
  Replies (45) Good night (20893) Bad night (966)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea

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  (636): Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/qpng
  Replies (57) Good night (701) Bad night (10515)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros

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  (914): i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros http://tfl.nu/6mrs
  Replies (8) Good night (5057) Bad night (926)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

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  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (7144) Bad night (973)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

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  (616): Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed. http://tfl.nu/ew4t
  Replies (17) Good night (957) Bad night (4083)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.

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  (610): I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/zt1t
  Replies (10) Good night (1198) Bad night (2884)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (8) Good night (2767) Bad night (668)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book

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  (516): I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book http://tfl.nu/reox
  Replies (5) Good night (2284) Bad night (671)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.

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  (440): i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it. http://tfl.nu/zxnq
  Replies (2) Good night (1540) Bad night (574)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao

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  (201): For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao http://tfl.nu/eyan
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (457)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.

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  (970): She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic. http://tfl.nu/fis2
  Replies (3) Good night (1172) Bad night (436)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.

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  (704): At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you. http://tfl.nu/lr4p
  Replies (0) Good night (679) Bad night (312)
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  (760): View more from California

  I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody

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  (760): I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody http://tfl.nu/kf7d
  Replies (4) Good night (672) Bad night (355)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I have the starring role in a literal shit show.

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  (254): I have the starring role in a literal shit show. http://tfl.nu/1tyi
  Replies (5) Good night (333) Bad night (425)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.

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  (224): I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk. http://tfl.nu/qq27
  Replies (1) Good night (412) Bad night (554)

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