Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.