Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.