I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity