I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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