I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
