i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
