She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
