Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
