i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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