needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
