i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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