its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
