u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
