I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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