Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The uberlube is also flammable
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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