When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
