I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
