my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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