Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
