naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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