i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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