so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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