I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
