I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell