he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.