Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night