just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.