So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.