forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.