It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
