fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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