Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
