What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
