I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
