how can u be prego again
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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