i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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