You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
