my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
