Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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