Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
