Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize