so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
