I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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