I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
