first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
