i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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