I look better un-naked...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
