in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
