i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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