Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
