just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
