Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
